004.

So it has been a while since I've updated, but that's fine. I'm still here, I'm still on my journey to a healthier me. I'm starting to lose weight, but I'm hitting obstacles everywhere and it's definitely hard without a support group. I've been having a lot of issues with my new roommate, making me think I should just live on my own, but I already signed to have a roommate for next year. Maybe senior year I will be on my own for first semester.

School is doing fine so far, no really big assignments yet. Chemistry is going to kick me in the ass, I know it. I'm going to have to start taking more hours per semester if I want to get that physics endorsement. I don't know how I'll be able to handle it. I felt like I could do anything when I was with Dan, which is why I did so well last semester (I got on Dean's List!). I'm not sure what my future holds, but I know I will eventually be able to do it.

I'm trying to make friends, but it's hard. I've never been the socialite. My friends from back home and I are getting rings together to symbolize our friendship and stuff.

"I'm thinking of all the girls getting the Irish Claddagh rings with our birthstones. Something cute we can all have together, and no matter who our heart belongs to we'll always have each other."

This is the ring that I'm getting. I think it's gorgeous, but I'm afraid that it's too bland, April is such a dull color. Diamonds should be for marriage proposals. Speaking of marriage proposals, Amanda and Jim got engaged. It's terrible, but I want to be Amanda. Oh well, all I can be is Julie, and I have to make myself better in order to be happy. I miss Dan, I miss being important in his life, and I miss feeling loved and cared for. Maybe I never had that, I thought I did. As we all know with Claddagh Rings, they tell about your relationship status, and now I will be wearing my heart outward, even though I am completely in love with a man who doesn't share my feelings. Some day my prince will come.

The other girls are getting February, May, June, September, and December. It will make a cool picture of us all together. I'm hoping to get them in by Valentine's Day, and we all are going out to dinner together where I'll give them to everyone. Girl's night in about two weeks, something to look forward to? I guess.

003.

Time to get myself kicked into gear. I had a terrible setback in my emotional state when my ex came to visit. I was so happy when he was here and as he was leaving it hit me all over again that he's not in my life anymore. I saw my therapist today, we talked about that for a little bit. I need to go deposit my check so that I can go get some things to pamper myself with. I want to get some bubble bath stuff and pick up a book to read so I can enjoy the huge tub that I never use. It's kind of exciting.

School is starting on Tuesday. It's kind of a shock, it's back so soon. I've spent all of winter break being depressed and trying to get over my ex. Hopefully getting back into the rhythm of school will help me back on track, I definitely need it. I have some essays and applications to do before school starts, I should get on that.

I'm sticking to my running routine, I'm on Day 6! If I make it to Day 15 then that's a day to celebrate, that means I'll have to stuck to something for more than 2 weeks. That'll be a big achievement.

I'm going to see my nutritionist again. I need help with my diet. Calorie counting is working, I think, I need more help on what foods I'm supposed to eat, and I need more meals that I can make. I wish losing weight was easier.

My new roommate moved in yesterday. It's kind of exciting, but now I have to rearrange a lot of things in the kitchen because she brought some stuff. A little headache to deal with, but I think that this semester will be rewarding. I don't think I would be able to live by myself, like I thought I did when this whole roommate situation started. I'm glad I didn't sign by myself.

Here's to a new school year!

002.

I'm really having a tough time with this lifestyle change. I think it's just too much stuff going on at once, but it needs to happen. I'm not dealing well with my breakup, and it's definitely showing in my ability to control what I eat. I binged on mostly everything yesterday, I even went out and bought soda and had a whole bottle. I haven't had soda in over a month. I had brownies and candies and double serving of dinner. And I didn't get to work out.

I started seeing a therapist this week. It was just an introduction interview, so I don't know how it's going to work out. I don't really feel any better about anything, but hopefully I can get my self-image problem under control and get over the man who has my heart. I'm at a loss for what to do to make things better on my own anymore.

I've been a member of caloriecount.about.com for many years, unsuccessfully used its calorie counting program and such. I started the daily plate when I finally gave in and saw a nutritionist about what I need to eat (remind me I need to go see her again), she recommended this site to me. It's pretty much like caloriecount, but I clung to the food database easier, and the little gadgets like the daily water consumption are more motivating than a little thumbs up sign at the bottom of the page, even if you didn't lose any weight. Back to my point, I still receive emails and such from calorie count, I find their groups and newsletters more helpful than their actual product. I received an email about six 30-day quick start workout routines, and they don't look that bad. I want to start the running one as soon as my friend leaves to go back home from her week stay.

I need to do this. I need to be healthy. But can I?

001.

This has been my flaw for all of my life, it has ruined relationships with the people I love. As the new year rolls in, I want to make this my priority.

As 2009 ended, my little world came to a crash when the man I thought I was going to marry dumped me, my mother disowned me, and I had a complete identity crisis. I've spent two years in college, and I still have no idea what I actually want to do with my life. I've just always said that I would be a teacher, so I've stuck with that path never knowing what will really make me happy. I still don't know what I want to do. Teaching does make me happy, but it's nothing that makes me as excited as my ex would be when he built a circuit and it worked. I don't know what would make me happy.

I miss my life in 2009, but I can't dwell on it forever. I've been sulking for the past two weeks and it needs to be over. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and my cholesterol is getting higher. I'm only 19 years old, I have time to change my life around before what I do becomes permanently damaging to my health.

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I remember, I've done diets from Shakes to Seattle Sutton, with marginal to no success. I need to make a lifestyle change, and I want to start this blog as a motivator, so that I can look back at my previous successes and failures, talk about my experiments with cooking, my exercise program. Perhaps someone will read and participate with me.

In order to fulfill my new year's resolution I need to put myself first, bring my weight under control, change my eating habits, and improve my interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships.