001.

This has been my flaw for all of my life, it has ruined relationships with the people I love. As the new year rolls in, I want to make this my priority.

As 2009 ended, my little world came to a crash when the man I thought I was going to marry dumped me, my mother disowned me, and I had a complete identity crisis. I've spent two years in college, and I still have no idea what I actually want to do with my life. I've just always said that I would be a teacher, so I've stuck with that path never knowing what will really make me happy. I still don't know what I want to do. Teaching does make me happy, but it's nothing that makes me as excited as my ex would be when he built a circuit and it worked. I don't know what would make me happy.

I miss my life in 2009, but I can't dwell on it forever. I've been sulking for the past two weeks and it needs to be over. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and my cholesterol is getting higher. I'm only 19 years old, I have time to change my life around before what I do becomes permanently damaging to my health.

I've struggled with my weight for as long as I remember, I've done diets from Shakes to Seattle Sutton, with marginal to no success. I need to make a lifestyle change, and I want to start this blog as a motivator, so that I can look back at my previous successes and failures, talk about my experiments with cooking, my exercise program. Perhaps someone will read and participate with me.

In order to fulfill my new year's resolution I need to put myself first, bring my weight under control, change my eating habits, and improve my interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships.